You Are Not That Mistake

On Wednesday morning, I read a story on the BBC News webpage which I found very moving. As I drove across to my dental appointment [it takes 45 minutes or more] I realised the guy from the article was the guest on BBC4's "Life Changing" programme.
Twenty years ago he was a top civil servant, who accidentally left some highly classified documents [about terrorist activity] on the train. He realised almost immediately what he had done- but the train had left the station and continued on its way.
Very quickly, somebody found the papers and handed them in to Frank Gardiner, BBC Security Correspondent. But Richard was guilty of gross negligence and more besides. He was convinced he had ruined his life- and that of his family. The press were camping outside his house, it was top story on the news that week...He began to fall apart - and felt the world 'might be better if I wasn't in it' 

His loving wife Maddie, and two daughters stood by him from Day 1, his boss and previous boss were really supportive, and in the programme Richard pays tribute to them. He was given a fine, and demoted. He left the Civil Service, and went to work on admin for the London Olympics, and then the Samaritans. 

Now he runs a company NewDay and is a lifecoach for people whose work is really stressful, and struggle with mental health issues. He uses his own experience to help others pull through their tough times. Here are his tips for people under stress who make a genuine mistake, and need help to recover

Get your thoughts out of your head. In a dark place, your mind jumps from "I made a terrible mistake" to "I am a worthless person" at the speed of thought. Writing it down or talking to someone slows things down to give you a chance to notice the illogical leaps.

Continue activities you enjoy. When you feel unworthy, you stop doing the things that lift you up. Work out what they are - the gym, a book, a long walk - and make them non-negotiable fixtures in your routine.

Remember your worth and your success. I keep an evidence board by my desk with notes of things I have achieved and kind things people have said. It's a tangible reminder that I am not that mistake, I am so much more.

Find your critical friend. You need someone who is your cheerleader but will also call you out when you let good habits slip. Anyone who is truly on your side.

Work out what you can fix, and what you can't. If you've caused harm, take responsibility: apologise and put things right where you can. But don't assume responsibility for things that were never yours to carry.

Don't confuse your worst moment with the whole story of your life. You are not that mistake. You are still the person who existed before it, and there can still be a person after it whom you haven't met.

The radio programme was quite emotional in places - but really positive and helpful. Thank you Richard, for sharing your story - many people will be helped by your words, I'm sure. This chimes with my word for 2026 -
  Restoration - Richard's experience shows that it is possible