Thursday, 31 March 2011

Cheesed Off!

I do feel sorry for the ladies at tonight’s committee. First I arrived late, having misread the time of the meeting – and they all waited so patiently for me [I was leading the Opening Devotions, so they did not feel able to start without me] and then I berated them for not knowing their Bibles properly!

stiltonNext week we are having a Farmer’s Wife at our group, speaking about her cows and the milk they produce for Stilton Cheese. So Jan said that as she was leading the devotions at that meeting, she had been looking up references to cheese in the Bible and only found three. [in 1 Samuel 17, 2 Samuel 17 and Job 10]

“What about Jael and Sisera?” I said. Blank looks all round.

“You must know that story” I said enthusiastically “I mean, I know it says ‘curds’ so that could be yogurt or cottage cheese or something. But it’s a brilliant story. She bashes a tent peg through his head! Didn’t you lot do the Old Testament stories in your Sunday Schools?” They were all sure that one had passed them by.

On reflection, I guess many Sunday school teachers would shy away from recounting the more violent episodes in Judges. But this is a wonderful story in Judges 4 & 5, showing that a mighty army commander was defeated by a woman with a tentpeg and a mallet.

jael-sisera artemisia gent

Here's the picture by Artemisia Gentileschi [a brilliant female artist] from a museum in Budapest. It is enough to put anyone off camping and tents!

As I began typing, I realise I have ranted before on this subject [here] but I feel that the Bible is so full of great stories, and we need to pass them on.

Accurately.

I was doing supply teaching the other week, and the lesson plan for the RE was about Moses in the bulrushes – and referred to his mother Miriam. “Miriam was his sister, his mother was Jochabed” I said to the person giving me the material. I was particularly annoyed because these were pre-printed lesson plans which the school had purchased. Lessons Carelessly Proofread. It isn’t the first time I have found errors in these plans.

Sometimes I just wish I could spend my time sitting with groups of children [and adults] telling all these glorious stories. Like…

  • why there is a lion on the treacle tin
  • why falling asleep in a sermon can be dangerous
  • the man who called his daughter after a make-up bag
  • great needlewomen of the Bible
  • fruitcake in scripture

golden syrup

Is there anyone out there who will sponsor me for a World Tour?

6 comments:

  1. I found supply teaching so hard - after being a deputy head.

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  2. Belfast Leg of World Tour no problem! Did you see Billy Connolly's World Tour of Scotland- my family has the box set of videos, which really belong to Dad, but we come near to blows over possession! I have to go to my first Mothers Union parish/diocesan/wider administrative group thing on Monday night- HELP!!

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  3. A room is made up ready for your Ontario gig!
    Jane x

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  4. LOL!!!That awesome! I remember the story quite well - tent peg and all! When my children were younger, I read it aloud for devotions one day, and the boys thought it was totally fantastic! It inspired them to read more of the Old Testament, on their own!
    Stilton is my husband's favorite cheese. :-)He will be in London next week, and I'm sure he'll bring some home.
    I don't know - why is there a lion on the treacle tin?
    Blessings,
    Anne ♥

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  5. Oh yes! I am so with you on this. The stories that are missed out are so often the ones which would really grab children. Doesn't every child want to know how to kill a fat king? Or the hint that if you are to rebel against your father it is dangerous to have long hair?

    I am horrified that published teaching materials make such a basic mistake as calling Mirriam Moses' mother. Does no one check these things?

    I love story, and the story of the Bible is the ultimate story. Did you catch when I wrote about it?
    http://www.carolynphillips.co.uk/?p=438

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  6. Try "The Tabloid Bible" for some more 'that's never in the Bible' stories...

    as for cheese - in best Monty Python tradition: "blessed are the cheesemakers" - or is that all purveyors of dairy produce?

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