What Did It Say?

Sometimes I see a sign and I just have to look again. And even then I'm not always sure what I just read. I keep passing this one in Sainsbury's

Have I missed my chance? And anyway, surely you can't buy beauty, can you? 

This chap on King's Lynn Market"You will not see one like this anywhere. £45". Well that's not true,  five minutes on the Internet and I found one very similar (a different colour jacket) Do people really pay £45 for something like this believing it unique? 

This was the best one. Julian and I were very amused by "Ask staff to get out of the window" It was so tempting to ask the bored looking young woman behind the counter in the Charity Shop.. "Excuse me, please can you get out of the window?" just to see her reaction. 

Still, if I am feeling glum, at least my brother, and son-in-law have joined the latest Samaritans'  poster campaign 

Nuts In May

 And so ends one of the craziest months-of-May that I can remember. Quite apart from three Bank Holiday Mondays and a Coronation, there have been so many random news items that it has proved impossible to keep up with it all.

The Coronation - I got very caught up with details of the clothing and the embroidery. Hats off to Hand and Lock who produced much of this stuff. 

Princess Anne declared she was glad she could wear uniform, it saved her worrying about her outfit. And turned up in the Pirate King's hat from Penzance. [btw did you catch the Midsomer Murders on Sunday night? It was proper, mindless Sunday Evening viewing!] And Penny Mordaunt astounded everyone by her sword-carrying skills, and a cloak embroidered with the Poundland logo.

The Speeding Fines - The Archbishop ended up paying rather a lot for his mistakes. Which he did not deny, and genuinely attempted to pay for. It does appear that the admin got messed up somewhere along the line. I am not sure this government appreciates the ABCs efforts to call out their behaviour as 'morally unacceptable'
The Home Secretary tried to get out of doing a speed awareness course with other people, and that backfired rather. And four MPs [3 Tory, 1 SNP] claimed for their speeding fines on expenses! 

Slow down, and pay up, please!!

I'm not somebody who watches "This Morning" so have not really followed the story of Phillip Schofield's demise. I'm not even going to post a photo of the man. [But I bet 'Webuyanycar.com"are glad they have recently changed their marketing strategy!] I do not thinking that repeatedly lying to your wife, [ & children, work-partner, colleagues, employers...] is ever acceptable. It is even worse than queue jumping. 

I'll finish with two odd things I have observed in May...

Look closely at this washing powder - It is actually called "BIO- concentrated nonbio washing powder." 

Well is it? or isn't it?

And finally, a sign seen in a garden centre last weekend.

I think this sign is for people with dachshunds, altho some members of my family suggested I should have one. 

It was displayed on the bottom shelf, and behind it a sign saying "If you can't quite reach what you want..."

Do they not know that short-legged women are renowned for their obstinacy to accept help and will happily scale the fitment to reach things from the top shelf?

Roll on June - things can only get better!

 

First Class Male?

Driving through various villages en route to the library yesterday I passed a number of little red vans and postmen (no women, I noticed) and lots of posters about community events for the Coronation. It occurred to me that with the new King, perhaps we should get rebranding for the post office?

It could be called the C3PO

Don't forget tomorrow is Star Wars Day [May The Fourth Be With You!]

Whatever Do They Mean?

It must be my advanced age - I am genuinely finding it hard to work out what some signs and labels mean these days. Look at this one

Liz sent a picture of her tissue packet. "A blanket for your nose" I have had three years of pandemic-related-mask-wearing, feeling that my nose is trapped under a blanket. Is that really a selling point for tissues?Lactose-free goods, gluten-free, meat-free goods are fine, but why morning-free? Is it a misprint for mourning-free? 

After all, Peter Robinson had a store in Oxford Street in the 1840s called the 'Family and General Mourning Warehouse', which sold nothing but black armbands, black plumes for horses, veils etc - this is the exact opposite. Or maybe it is for people who hate getting up early?

Nebulous means 'hazy' either [scientific] 'in the form of a cloud' or [conceptual] 'ill-defined'. If you spent £15 on these hazy products, you will get a free gift and a free bag! I checked out this product. It is, apparently, a "Kid's lifestyle brand" introducing girls to "the calming practice of meditation, whilst encouraging creativity and self-esteem." [also involves lots of single use pink plastic and mysterious 'calming putty'] No, Rosie, Grandma will not be buying this stuff!

We saw this van in the Garden Centre Car Park. Bob was quite taken with the concept of a "used Grandfather". Here he is in this role, lifting Jess up for me to take a picture in the National Trust Easter frame 

Mash Up

mash-up; [noun] a mixture or fusion of several disparate elements. First known use, 1859 [yes, really!]

Here we are on the first day of February, and I have three totally unrelated snippets for you...so here's a mash-up blogpost...

First - how bizarre, to go into a charity shop 15 miles away, and see one of the little gift bags I made at Christmas  on sale! I hope that the charity manages to sell it- even if the original recipient didn't want it.

Second - Kezzie sent me this picture which amused me enormously. Readers of a delicate disposition, please do not take offence.

Finally - speaking of mash-ups, how do you mash your potatoes? A friend recently posted a picture of her kitchen on Facebook, and it included a jar of utensils. There were a number of comments about her interesting square spoons - but I was intrigued by her masher. It is nothing like mine!

My favourite masher is my Oxo Good Grips [1] But for years I've had a cheaper one here at Cornerstones, with a 'wiggly bottom' [4] These are the two I use most and they live close to the hob.

I also have a ricer [2] which comes out if I want to do something a little more fancy - such as topping a fish pie. The little extruded bits brown beautifully, and go crispy, under a hot grill, or in the oven.

But my good friend has a bent flat-bottomed model [3] I don't know how I would get on with that.

It seems crazy that there are so many styles [and some people use a food mixer - but that uses up electricity and fails to give your 'bingo wings' a workout, so that's a no-no for me]

What sort of masher do you have? and what about your potato peeler?

All Roads Lead To...

... well, it isn't Rome anyway. Among those leading out of this village, a number go to the nearby tiny village of Hoe [it's mentioned in the Domesday Book] In case you ever need to go there from Swanton Morley, try one of these roads

Over Christmas, we loved Jess continually saying HoHo! But this is definitely a case of Hoe, Hoe, Hoe! 

I go to Hoe once a fortnight for my craft group. It's called "Something Snappy". I thought that it might have once been some sort of Camera Club. But no, when it started, they couldn't think of a name. Apparently somebody suggested that Hoe Craft Club was dull, and the should call it something snappy. So they did. 

The group meets in the Parish Hall, set in the corner of the churchyard, next to Hoe Hall. This is the largest property in the village, some parts dating back to the 17thC. I took this photo on Monday after my group. The wall of the churchyard goes round the corner. The church on the right just out of shot, the little Parish Hall is on the left - and behind you can see Hoe Hall.

I was standing in the middle of the T junction to take the photo. But by the time you get to the junction, you're not on Hoe Road any more. This was the sign behind me. Yes, whichever of the three routes you take, you will be on Hall Road! 

Normal for Norfolk, as they say...

HoHo as Jess says... 

A Range Of Meanings

I popped briefly into The Range to get a couple of washing up bowls - we have had a double sink in the kitchen for a year, and I really want a smart, matching pair of bowls. I did find them - but left without them, when I realised there were about 50 people in the queue and only two checkouts working! I was not prepared to wait that long...
However I did have a quick look at the Christmas decorations in the sale section. Just in case. But one item initially left me baffled - a bag of six "Christmas Sentiments" reduced to 45pBethere it says. 

That's not a word!

perhaps it should be Bet here[we sell lottery tickets]

or maybe Beth ‘ere[an Eastenders version of Little Women]

Bob says it is Be there[why would I want to be somewhere where they are no good at punctuation and grammar?] 

Mind you, I didn't realise till recently that many people in Wales actually call this store The ORaNGe, on the grounds that on the sign, it say 'The' and below it, the word 'Orange' starting with a capital O in an orange colour!

Perhaps these confused folk are connected with Welsh Max Boyce, whose catchphrase is "I was there!!" I suggest the company takes its 

Be theresigns to Cardiff, they might make more sales...

Tights, Teeth, And Truss

I needed a few groceries, and Bob was going into Norwich to look round the new Hospice site. So I begged a lift, and he dropped me off at the big Sainsburys. How I loathe and detest all these black and orange plastic decorations for Halloween which are festooned about the place. I hurried along with my trolley and found myself in the Christmas aisle.

I wasn't concentrating properly. I actually stopped and went back to look again. I'd thought the sign was advertising falafels

I did not have a lot of stuff to buy, but I did want a pair of tights [in that shade variously called nude, bamboo, or hazelnut]  They only had them in Maternity sizes, all the other tights were black. The assistant said she was sorry, it was supply issues. "It's been like it all summer, and when we have had a few pairs in, they've sold out immediately" Which is exactly what they told me in Tesco last week. 

I took my bags up to the café, and ordered a coffee in my Stojo mug. The girl at the counter said she had never been asked to do the refillable-cup thing before. I forebore to say "Well, it helps save the planet and it saves me five shillings" as I suspected she would not know what a shilling was!

I had taken some small sewing with me and sat down and stitched away happily. I looked around - the store seemed very quiet, and the few café customers were either OAPs, young mums with buggies, or grans with buggies. Three OAPs arrived at the table next to me - one stayed to mind the bags whilst the others queued for coffee. She asked about my sewing, and told me they had come in on the Community Bus. How often does it run? I asked "I don't know, I am 92" she replied. Her friends returned- and one found the chair too heavy to move into place - so I got up to help. The other found the knee-high table too low for her coffee cup and balanced it on her knees. "This young woman is sewing" said 92 year old [I guess in comparison, I am young, at 67] They did not stop long, worried they would miss their bus home.

A couple of months ago, Liz and I nearly had coffee in the café - but Liz declared it to be totally lacking in atmosphere, and we'd strolled up to M&S instead. I knew I'd got an hour to kill, but didn't want to take up a space in that smaller, but much nicer establishment. I sat there and realised the noisy overhead fans [air-con, heating??] made conversation difficult, especially for the hard of hearing. The place was less than 25% full - and once the two Mums with buggies, and the grandparent with her charge, went downstairs in the lift, there were just 26 of us - and I was clearly the youngest!! The decor is soulless and all hard surfaces, it's large with a high ceiling. They could do so much more to make it an inviting place to stop for a coffee.  I was grateful that I could have WhatsApp conversations with Liz and Steph as I stitched.

Then I began to get anxious - we had appointments at 2 and 2.20 at the dentist. It is 45 mins from Cornerstones. I was 25 minutes from home. And I hadn't cleaned and flossed thoroughly. I sent Bob an urgent message. His event had taken longer than planned. But he reached me at 12.35, and we sped home. Just to say, embroidery floss is not as efficient at dental floss, especially when travelling at speed down the A47

We got home, brushed [and flossed] thoroughly. We were in the waiting room by 1.55. Both check-ups went well, but I am getting a replacement for my ancient partial denture which no longer fits properly [left lower jaw] . He fitted one for me at the start of the year [right upper] and I have been saving up for this one ever since. I shall be smiling a lot by December.

We came back via Wymondham Waitrose - having had no food since breakfast - they have a very pleasant café. And they did have tights in store! And Bob found some delicious yellow-stickered fishcakes for our evening meal. But I felt that prices had gone up considerably since I was last in Waitrose. We bought very few other items. Home at 5pm, having left at 9.15. Shopping unpacked and put away. 

We had a cuppa and watched the BBC News Channel. 

As I type this, Grant Shapps is Home Secretary and Liz Truss is still PM. By the time you read this, who knows? 

And this 'young' woman is still sewing!

Plenty Of Spaces, Please Wait Your Turn!

I ended my trip south with a brief overnight stop at my Aunts. I went up from London by train, and Bob drove down to Romford to meet me. I took her some red roses for Mothering Sunday, as Gill would have done. On Saturday morning, Bob and I walked round to the shops to have a quick breakfast before the trip home. I was really amused by the sign outside the podiatrists...

Is this Parking for Patients 
or Be Patient With Other Drivers When Parking ???

I do feel it is important to concentrate on your steering though...

And always smile at other road users - even when driving a Dino Cozy Coupe worthy of Fred Flintstone.

Lewis Hamilton, watch out!

If You Go Down To The Woods Today...

In 1932,  Walt Disney decided to make a short children's animated cartoon. He called it 'Babes In The Woods' and introduced the dwarf characters who were precursors of the seven in Snow White. The Babes Story had gained popularity in the Victorian Era, as one of Randolph Caldecott's illustrated picture books. Disney decided to merge the traditional English 'Babes ' story [published 1595] with the German 'Hansel and Gretel' tale [collected by the brothers Grimm around 1809] 

That's right, Mr D added in H&G - because after all, don't all parents want their children to know about a cannibalistic witch, whose dwelling is liable to induce a diabetic coma, if hungry and lost children start eating it? Oh, its OK, these two German tots escape and rush home safely to mother, and never stray from their kindergarten again. Not so for the babes in Britain - they wander, lost and helpless, die of starvation, and the kindly robin redbreast covers their bodies with leaves. Maybe Disney wanted to sanitise the ending so his audience did not have nightmares. The original ballad said...

"No burial these prettye babes of any man receives, till Rpbyn Redbreast painfully did cover them with leaves"

But where did our Babes-in-the-Wood story come from? answer - Norfolk! In 1595, A guy called Thomas Millington published a ballad, telling the gruesome tale of how a wicked uncle hires two thugs to murder his orphaned niece and nephew, so he can inherit his brothers estate. But the men just leave them in the nearby wood - and they cannot find the way out, so they die. 

The estate in question was said to be Griston Hall - now a farmhouse just outside Watton, and the woods in question were the Wayland Woods close by, now under the management of the Norfolk Wildlife Trust. We went for walk there one afternoon this week. "Feel the apricity!" I announced as the winter sun shone warm on my face. 

The woods are truly beautiful - they are well managed, and have been regularly coppiced for over a thousand years- records go back to the 10th century. Mainly oak, but also ash, hazel and hornbeam. 

Beautiful wide aisles to walk down, with plenty of benches if you needed to stop and sit. These have all been given in memory of others who loved the woods - and have appropriate plaques.

This should be read in the proper local accent! I was intrigued by the ladder, with the sign at the top "No Access"

As we did the circular walk, we saw a team of people sawing trees, and lots of tidy woodstacks. The moss growing on some of the felled wood was a vibrant lime green, stunning against the dry brown leaves, silvery bark, and vivid white lichens.

I remarked to Bob that nowadays the children would not have been lost- they could have followed the sounds of traffic and easily made their way to the busy A1065!

It was muddy in places, but not difficult walking and the circular route takes around 45 minutes. [no dogs allowed though] Afterwards we went into Watton and had a coffee at our favourite Portuguese Café 

The town sign in the High Street shows the babes lounging naked under an oak tree [we have no evidence that they died of hypothermia] Below them is a hare leaping over a barrel representing the towns name. Watt  is a local dialect word for hare, and of course tun is a barrel. 

Locals will tell you that many people call it Wailing Wood, because on dark night's you can hear the ghosts of the distressed children wailing. Historians on the other hand, say that the name comes from Waneland which is a Viking word for a place of worship.

I think I like that explanation - the wide green aisles, beneath the towering trunks reaching up to the heavens, a verdant green cathedral. For me it was a blessed spot, a place where praising God for the beauty of Creation seemed a right and appropriate response to my surroundings.

I will definitely visit again and re-do the circular walk - the wildflowers in the early spring are said to be lovely.

Grace, Chris, Katy and Andy

Our SatNav is called Grace ['tis Grace that brought us safe this far, and Grace will lead us home] and she is mostly very good. However, she does have an odd turn of pronunciation sometimes. There are 3 characters who pop up regularly when she is guiding us.

Chris. This often appears when a placename includes the word Christ. So that big place near Ferndown in Dorset was Chris Tchurch

Katy She appears whenever there is a Market in the placename, and nearby roadsigns abbreviate it to Mkt. In Norfolk there is Downham M Katy, and Burnham M Katy. In Leicestershire there is M Katy Harborough

And recently we've heard another chap mentioned, Andy. He is on the new Northern Distributor Road round Norwich, where Grace told us to turn off for Norwich N Andy. [I had to check the sign, and realised it was Norwich, North and East]

Does your SatNav have a name? and is it prone to mispronouncing place names?

Out To Lunch

For reasons I prefer not to explain, I found myself having lunch in a branch of Wetherspoons on Friday. I cannot remember the last time that happened. It was a somewhat surreal experience...

I really wanted something healthy, so opted for their "rainbow quinoa salad" instead of chips or jacket potato with my steak. Bob tried very hard to select this on his phone app, but got nowhere. So we went together to the bar to sort out the order.

"Oh, you have to choose chips or jacket, then change it to salad" said the waitress. "How are you supposed to know that?" I asked  "Oh, I know it, because I have to do it every day" she said.
I left Bob to sort it all out and pay, and returned to our table, muttering to our companion that it all seemed crazy. Then when the steak arrived, there was a small bowl of salad which I tipped out onto the plate. Tomato, lettuce cucumber - no quinoa, adzuki beans, kale, or peppers as promised on the menu. "Sorry, that's the only salad they serve here" said Bob. 

After our meal I nipped to the loo. I went into the unoccupied cubicle- it had two bolts on the door, neither of which connected with anything on the other side of the frame. I decided I'd have to [a] stick my foot out and [b] shout "this one's occupied!" if anyone else came in.

Then I saw the notice on the door. This seemed somewhat ironic- I definitely did not feel safe if the door couldn't be kept shut. Never mind, I thought, I am glad they are taking Domestic Violence seriously.

I came out and washed my hands, to be confronted by another poster next to the hand dryer. "Hi, I'm Angela!" it began. If you feel uncomfortable with your date, go to the bar, ask for Angela, and the staff will know you need help. If I chattily went up to the bar and said "Hi I'm Angela" would they immediately assume I was in distress? I wondered.

Why did they choose my name? Angela was in the top twenty of girls' names between 1950 & 1970 - so most of the Angelas you meet will be between 70 and 50 now. Is the idea that having given the coded request for Angela, a female member of staff will come and help you escape your unsafe situation? The bar staff in this pub were all way younger than that - not your typical Ang at all.

Joking aside, it is good if venues do take their responsibilities seriously to protect customers from harassment, and violence [and this awful 'spiking' which is becoming alarmingly common]

October was Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I am afraid that completely passed me by.  I am sad that all the restrictions of the pandemic have put so many more people [female and male] at risk.

Let us build strong friendships with neighbours and work colleagues, so that people feel able to end their silence and ask for help to escape from destructive, abusive relationships.

If you are worried about someone, find a situation where they can feel comfortable chatting to you - maybe take them out to lunch

[maybe not Wetherspoons though...]

Reading The Signs

I collected Rosie yesterday, and we went on a school trip [OK, Grandma had to sort out something in IKEA, but I made sure it was an educational outing] As I carefully reversed the car, I said "It's Bin Day, I must be careful not to knock over the wheelie bins in the lane"

And Rosie said "Oh no, don't do that, the reindeer poo will all come out!"

"Is there reindeer poo in the bin, then?"

"Yes, there's a picture"

And I guess If a child sees this, and is told it is full of dog poo

Then when they see  a larger bin decorated with a reindeer, it is an obvious conclusion

After all, we do have quite a few deer here in Norfolk

Slow Down For Mrs Tiggywinkle

We have some amazing animal road signs in this country, in order to alert drivers of creatures which may be crossing the road. On average, 7 people are killed on our roads every year because of incidents involving animals in the road, and a further 1000 a year are injured. 

Sadly in the majority of these accidents, the animals are killed.
There are lots of Department of Transport signs warning about larger animals

Horses, cows, deer, and sheep.
...and smaller animals like frogs badgers and ducks
But this year a new sign has been introduced

Slow down for hedgehogs!

The Government hopes that these signs will not only reduce accidents and save lives, but also help the animal populations to flourish.

I visited a friend yesterday, and her husband was busy making a 'hedgehog house' as they'd spotted a hedgehog in their garden. We talked about ways to help hedgehogs - check out Hedgehog Street for more information. Our determination to keep our gardens to ourselves does not help- one average garden is not big enough for a hedgehog to roam and forage properly - a hedgehog can happpilytravel one mile in a night.

Hedges are better than fences and walls - but if you must have the latter, then a hole 13cm in diameter makes a good hedgehog highway. 13cm is too small a hole for almost all common pets to escape through. You can even buy signs [nb I do not think the hogs can read them though] DO NOT leave out bread and milk, whatever your granny may have told you. A saucer of water and another of dogfood is a much better diet

Before you strim, or light a bonfire in your garden, check there are no hogs hiding - but do leave a pile of rotting twigs and leaves in the corner for them to burrow into - or build them a hog-house. Grow native plants, and avoid using slug pellets. These are simple things to do - but will encourage hedgehogs into your garden. Let us hope they are happy and stay there, and do not venture out onto the roads in search of better habitats.

You could also buy a pint of Hobson's Brewery "Old Prickly, Snuffly Hedge Grog" beer. Hobsons are donating profits to the British Hedgehog Preservation Society- in the last 7 years, that has amounted to over £43,000 pounds!

How I wish I had Mrs Tiggywinkle to do all my ironing for me!  Hedgehog, Hedgepig, Tiggywinkle, Fuzzypeg, Urchin, Hotchi-Potchi... did your family use any of the traditional nicknames for these spiky little creatures when you were growing up?