Tuesday 2 June 2020

My Life Is In Shreds

When I began supply teaching, thirty years ago, it became apparent that I would have a lot of paperwork to manage. I was advised to keep every payslip and record of work. Then I got a car, and I had all the tax, insurance, service records, and other documentation for that. And my children had paperwork from school, and then there were the various committees I attended, so I had minutes and agendas...
I bought a small two drawer filing cabinet. And lots of extra brightly coloured suspension files. And I filed everything. On Saturday afternoon, I cleared it out completely. I shredded hundreds of documents. Records of work and pay claims for dozens of schools in Bexley and Leicestershire [and just a handful for Dorset] Lesson plans, thank you notes, agendas for committees which no longer exist, and flyers for events from the last Millennium. The shredder actually broke while Bob was operating it. I made tea whilst he dismantled and fixed it. We had to stop shredding in the end because the recycling bin was full.
It was quite an emotional business. Among the payslips and worksheets, I found the press report about my trip to Bletchley Park. And orders of services from various Thanksgivings and Funerals. Notes the girls had sent me at different times, cards from former pupils...I had to keep telling myself "You cannot keep every piece of paper, Angela" But I felt like I was discarding nearly four decades of my life. And then this morning Bob continued the shredding. 
It was hard, but it was worth it. I have let go of all sorts of stuff that was no use to me, or anyone else. By the time I had finished, I had emptied almost all the files, and reduced the amount I needed to just three folders- my car details, family records, sundries. I did begin to feel "What have I achieved, if all this is just shredded and going into recycling? The records of a lifetime of supply teaching gone, in one afternoon" But teaching is more than something you do for a payslip at the end of the month and you hope that you are making a difference, however small, to the ones you are helping.  
Over my desk is a small magnetic photo frame. Given to me by a pupil in 2003, it holds a picture of Steph - she spent a summer working with street children in the favelas of Sao Paolo. It reminds me that my vocation is to pass on skills to the next generation - who will pass them on to the next...and the next...It is far more than paperwork and box ticking.
My thoughts and prayers are with all those teachers who will be returning to their schools this week - working in a totally new way, attempting to teach 'at a distance' in an old familiar environment which has somehow become quite alien - and with their pupils, struggling to adapt to the classroom disciplines which have been put aside for three months, and now they will find new protocols about safety, hygiene and distance added to the list of rules. God bless them all



15 comments:

  1. It's certainly crazy. We start next week, but I've had to go in and pretty much clear my classroom.

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    1. It must be really hard for you with art/media - trying to separate out paintbrushes and stuff. Will 'Life Class' include drawing a person in full PPE??

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  2. I've had a similar experience. Every page I fed into the shredder felt like I was destroying my past. It is quite an emotional experience.

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    1. But it needs to be done. And the memories remain.

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  3. Shredding all the paperwork must have been such a difficult task. I'm another person who keeps every piece of paper!

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    1. I tell myself that I should do it while I am [relatively] young and able - as my relatives won't want to do it for me later.

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  4. I can well imagine how you felt about letting go of it all. My former Deputy Head told me once, when I we were talking about her regretting not having children, that she regretted it and in school after a few years when she left, no one would remember who she was or what she did. But, like you, I hold firm to the faith that I have made a difference to young lives who will go on to be happy and do good things. And I hold comments that children made, in my hearts. My year 6 child that told me she loved me (meant in a really sincere way, not creepy) in her leaving card), the boy who told me I'd changed his life (with music) and the Muslim girl who totally loved Hildegard Von Bingen's music and said she found it incredibly soothing.
    In all this chaos over the death of GF in USA and everyone on social media telling everyone to educate themselves and make a change to be anti-racist not just sit quietly etc, I think of the fact that pretty much the majority my pupils are BIPOC and the reason I chose to stay at this school rather than going for a private school music job or moving closer to home is because I want to offer those people opportunities and experience they might not otherwise have. They are where I grew up and it is important to me.
    I'm not back to school till Monday now and the kids aren't in until the 15th...

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  5. Kezzie, you are making an incredible difference to young lives. Your commitment to the children is unfailing, and they know that and love you for it. I hope all goes well in the days ahead

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  6. Good for you - and very brave! I have brought two bins full of paper out of a closet to sit next to my shredder in hopes that this will encourage me to do more! Like all things at the moment I seem to do stuff in fits & starts. Maybe its better for my shredder or it would burn out with all that I have to do - and I do not have a Bob around to fix it if it dies! :-)
    Good luck to all the teachers out there - ours will not be returning to school until Sept. but some work will continue online over the summer. There is just too much work to be done to make things safe for everyone.

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    1. Yes, you do have to let the shredder rest every so often, or they do burn out

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  7. We did it a little bit when we moved. It's a strange feeling isn't it but ultimately there is something freeing about it as well

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    1. I am trying to get rid of as much as I can. There is as you say, a sense of freedom

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  8. Hi hun,I just want to *thank you* for the years that you were a teacher. I am sure that you remain in the hearts of the children that you taught.*hugs* Goldensunflower x

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  9. Yes, it is important to do it and only you can make the decision. I did this some years ago and now do it regularly so nothing builds up again. If we don't do it somebody comes along when we are dead and has to go through everything, sees it all, and who knows what happens to it. Excellent.

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