Lady Macbeth Was Here [Again]

I have been Rather Busy of Late. But I sat down on Thursday evening to check my emails. And there was one from Blogger, telling me that one of my posts did not meet with community guidelines so it has been removed. It was first posted in September 2011, and only NOW has somebody objected?!?! I have made minor alterations. Let's see if this one slips through...

It’s my own silly fault, I start these projects with gleeful abandon, without considering where they might lead. Froogs put up a Thrifty Thursday post all about Delia’s Spiced Chutney, and Sue has a great thread running through September all about using up the food you have in store. 

And my neighbour put out his annual “Free Windfalls - Help Yourself” sign again. And I remembered that large box of church-car-park-plums ,in the freezer, frozen 5 weeks ago.

The ear infection hasn’t gone yet, I am still deaf on the left. My balance is off kilter, and listening to the radio gives me a headache. However, I'm not giving in, and decided that I would spend today in the Practice of Preservation. I printed off Delia’s recipe and studied it with care. I had enough fruit for 1½ times the recipe. Not quite enough soft brown sugar [substitute regular granulated] and no raisins [use sultanas] but everything else was on hand. I decided to weigh out and prepare all the ingredients, then after the the funeral, I would cook the chutney [recipe says 2-3 hours]

The Part Where The Pastor’s Wife Gets Stoned 

All those wretched cherry plums have stones. If I had thought about it, I’d have stoned them with my MILs cherry stoner, before I froze them. But 5 weeks ago, I was thinking about holiday Bible Club, and so I just washed and froze them as they were. No problem, says St Delia. Stew them in a little of the vinegar, don a pair of rubber gloves, and then you can [I quote] “remove the stones as they separate themselves from the flesh…it will only take 25 minutes, but I promise you it is well worth it” So, whilst plums stewed, I prepared apples, onions and spices. Then on with the gloves. I calculated that I’d need about 40 minutes [1½times recipe, remember] I needed to leave for church at 11.30, so ideally stop work at 11 to go and change. It was 10.15am. I began stoning. Lack of Radio playing meant that the only sounds were the squeals and squelchings of my gloves against the squidgy plums, and my sniffling [onions make me cry] Bob came in, all smart in his suit, and stood on the opposite side of the kitchen waving a CD. “Can you switch this music on at the end of the service?” “Give me clear hand signals and I will” I said. He left [10.45]

Acceleration Is Sometimes A Mistake

Started Panicking. Decided I would not get it all done in time. Speeded up, squeezing, squidging, and squelching the fruit, fishing out stones with a spoon, there were plum stones, plum juice, plum skins going in random directions. Everything was a General Crimson [which is even worse than Captain Scarlett, if you remember 1960’s Kids TV] There was more blood splatter in my kitchen than in a normal episode of CSI Miami

At 11.15, I pulled off the gloves, washed my hands, and dashed upstairs, and changed into Posh Suit, brushed hair whilst slipping into smart high heels. Decided against putting on make-up. However Divine Intervention caused me to check my face in the bathroom mirror. SO glad I did – my face was liberally besplattered with plum juice! Washed face thoroughly and skipped up the road to church by 11.35. “Before you say anything, I apologise about the state of the kitchen” I said to Bob as he greeted me with a kiss at the church door. He smiled, knowingly! 

The funeral went well and we all went to the wake afterwards. Returned home, changed out of suit, and went back to the kitchen. Just explain to me how, within 5 minutes of this, I had plum juice on my face again? And why Delia, Nigella and Mary Berry all manage to cook without any apparent spills or stains about their persons? Then another problem arose – ‘wrap the spices in muslin or gauze’ What to use? Inspiration struck…

I cut a couple of lengths of this gauze and made two little bags to hold the cinnamon, allspice and cloves.

 

Simmering Away Nicely, Thankyou

And now I have two large pans bubbling away on the stove – which should be done by teatime, and some jars all cleaned and sterile and waiting for filling. I am glad I bought that jam funnel last month. It has already earned its keep. The kitchen is cleaned up, mostly - the stove top will need a good wipe down later when all is cooled. And I will soon have still more jars to put on my preserves shelf. I trust the blessed St Delia is right when she says

“There are chutneys and chutneys, but this one is simply the best of all. It is something I couldn't live without, having it permanently on my shelf. I love it with cold cuts, with cheese, but best of all, sausages and jacket potatoes - dipping crisp, crunchy potato skins into this dark, spicy, deeply flavoursome preserve is one of life's great pleasures.”

And I trust Froogs – if she makes this stuff, so can I! Pictures of chutney in jars to follow…