I spotted this emoji recently. I am sure that many of you reading this have often felt that you are juggling too many balls at once, and expect to drop one very soon. Down the centuries the role of women has changed, but I think most of the time [unless females were very sick, or very wealthy] girls have generally been kept pretty busy.
My Mum was called Hilda. Her generation had fewer clothes, and laundered them less frequently - but they had to contend with boiling nappies in "coppers" and rolling sheets through mangles. And if it rained, no chance of a tumble in the dryer to get things dry. With no freezers, microwaves, air fryers, or Deliveroo, it meant meals were usually cooked from scratch, and it took ages. And until 1954, Hilda and co had to manage "on the ration".
However much we have been "liberated" and women have "broken the glass ceiling" to acquire jobs previously dominated by men, and we try to work towards equal partnerships in our relationships, frequently it seems that women still carry a heavier load when it comes to running the home. I came across the phrase "cognitive household labour" recently. In families where there are children, the Mums do much of the thinking, planning and project management of day-to-day life - and then do the higher percentage of the actual work.
In fact, the latest Hilda Survey* shows that men spend 12.8 hours a week on household chores [the same figure as 20 years ago] but women are doing 18+hours on average.
I look around at my own extended family, and I'm so grateful for the guys who iron shirts, cook meals, do the school run, unload the dishwasher, take children to sports, and pull the wheelie bins out etc. I also see hands-on grandparents helping out as and when they can. I am also very aware that my two daughters [and four nieces] work very hard at full-time jobs
and do the work of organising things so "family life" runs smoothly. I love them all, and I am proud of the example they are setting the next generation.
So please could all you "influencers" back off a bit? Stop posting pictures of your ideal homes, fabulous birthday parties, immaculately behaved adolescents, perfectly potty trained toddlers etc etc. Stop pushing false Mum-guilt onto exhausted young women who are already giving 100%. Thank you
[*Hilda stands for Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia ]
When my mother had a severe stroke my father had no idea how to run a home at all. All his life there had been someone else to do it. The same situation arose for an elderly man opposite when his wife died suddenly. As well as dealing with grief they had to figure out everything. Men and women are doing themselves no favours when they don't learn (which includes doing!) housework tasks including admin.
ReplyDeleteI think that many men of our fathers' generation assumed their wives would do everything (and likewise I have known women who left all the practical/financial affairs to their menfolk) like you say, doing themselves no favours
DeleteWell said!!! Unrealistic expectations which also encourages a lot more waste in terms of materials to achieve said perfect life.
ReplyDelete👍
DeleteWell said Angela. My tw boys could run a household on their own, thankfully. Both very good at ironing and cooking! That is, of course, since they left home!
ReplyDeleteWell done, great parenting your part!!
DeleteI like the photo of the young man ironing, I hate ironing, my husband has always done his own as when I met him he was 40 and quite capable of doing every type of household job. Then when quite young I taught my boys how to iron and they always made sure they had clean ironed school uniforms. I worked full time all my working life apart from maternity leave so only fair we all shared housework. My sons are very good cooks too. If we had had daughters we have would have expected them to do their share too not because they were girls but because they were family members. The perfect home does not exist I agree with your last statement. Regards Sue H
ReplyDeleteI only had daughters, but we shared household responsibilities - eg from a very early age they were responsible for their packed lunches, which included keeping the shopping list up to date.im pleased to see all my grandchildren are learning basic cooking skills now
DeleteI think Australian culture is far more chauvinism driven than our own. It would be impossible for either of my sons to contribute more than they already do when they're at home (both devoted husband's and fathers)because one of them has to travel nearly 1,000 miles a week (Sunday train to London, Friday train back home and you can imagine those nightmare journeys) for work and the other one will be tending fields and crops from now until September to put food on our tables and his own family's. Their wives are also busy career women but together with their respective husbands, they make it work (with more than a little help from grandparents)!
ReplyDeleteThat's an interesting comment about the men in Oz. Thank you (never having watched neighbours or home&away I have no idea!) I think "they make it work" is the key sentence. Accepting that sometimes one job is really demanding and the other partner has to "pick up the slack" is important. And if a family do work at it all the time, it makes it easier to weather the storms. Your boys have to cope with a lot ; one has horrendous travel and time away from home, the other the relentless pressure of agriculture (unlike paperwork, you cannot leave crops on one side for a week while you do something else! I'm sure their wives appreciate all they do, and you have always been a hands on gran. (Were you not called Nana GoGo once upon a time!)
DeleteLol I never watched any Oz soaps either!Yes I am the blogger previously known as Nana GoGo with perhaps less accent on the second 'go' in my advancing years!
Delete😀
DeleteI'm thankful for a husband who does dishes every night, folds laundry and does whatever is needed around the house. We have a partnership that carries over into housework. I still do the bulk of the cleaning, but he will do whatever is needed.
ReplyDeleteYour marriage is a testament to working together, in ministry and in family life Terri.
DeleteWe have always shared household tasks as Norrie worked shifts and was raised by a mother who believed that everyone contributed to the family chores. He has learned to cook in retirement but I always do the ironing as it’s a job he really hates- he would just wear them unironed and not be bothered! He does the DIY with me as his helper and we take equal responsibility for the garden and car washing. We took equal responsibility for childcare as the shift work meant we didn’t always need outside childcare. He was often the only man at nursery functions but he didn’t mind one bit. Our daughter’s now husband had a rude awakening when they first started living together when he discovered that there was no way our daughter was going to work full time and do everything needed at home. I think the time is coming soon when we will need to pay a decorator to paint the house as it takes us so long and the results not always as expected! Catriona
ReplyDeleteWe have shared the jobs in different ways over the years. I'm glad that Bob has time in retirement to do more of the cooking. He enjoys that , so do I!
DeleteIt's nice to see families working together, isn't it? I am forever grateful that my mother was there to help me juggle my balls.
ReplyDelete👍
DeleteThe boundary between male and female roles has definitely been eroded, thankfully, and amongst most of my friends the men do a lot more household chores than my dad ever did. Equally the women do more of the traditional male jobs like DIY and gardening.
ReplyDeleteMy dad was lost when Mum died; set off trying to keep house but eventually gave up, resorting to ready meals and hoovering only when visitors were expected. He said that for just himself it wasn't worth it but the reality is that it was all too much effort.
I agree about boundaries changing. I'm sad that men like your Dad have struggled with being widowed.
DeleteWhen figuring in household chores we should not forget the lawn mowing, snow shovelling, car washing, and everyday maintenance (painting, repairing electrical things, plumbing etc) that men generally do. In our home we both tend to do all chores though the “everyday maintenance“ tends to be done by him exclusively. Hence, when I had surgery last year and was banned (by the doctor) from doing ANY chores at all for 6 weeks there wasn’t any problem. I just had to set the program for the washing machine and dryer as he’d never used these ones. It was wonderful a few years ago when I came home exhausted from spending the day helping my sister to pack for moving to open the front door to smell a glorious beef stew awaiting.
ReplyDeleteI hope you're fully recovered now, but I hope himself is still being helpful!
DeleteOh yes, he has always been helpful. If I am on the phone or engaged in something when supper should be started he just gets on with it. If he notices something needs dusting he just grabs a cloth and does it. His philosophy is “If you see something that needs to be done don’t wait for someone else to do it - do it yourself!”
DeleteHe's definitely a "keeper"!
DeleteI think the ex-military men are the best at knowing how to do their fair share of household chores, they know how to iron, wash clothes and generally be responsible for themselves and those around them. My Dad did his National Service, Alan is ex-Royal Navy and my eldest son ex-army, they are all brilliant at doing more than their fair share. My other son is ex-university ... he is not. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI think the point about guys in the forces learning life skills is true. But fortunately not all ex-students are bad at housekeeping.
DeleteMy dad was in the Fleet Air Arm and as a Navy man, although he let his household chores slip when he was very old, his personal hygiene never did, thankfully.
Delete👍
DeleteMy husband came very well trained by my late mother-in-law and we have never had any distinction between 'his' and 'her' jobs. I was once really offended by an older woman telling me that I hardly did anything in the house after I had mentioned that he had made dinner, washed up and then done some ironing. I asked her if she had ever mown the lawn, washed the car or done the decorating. The answer of course was no and she was horrified when I said that I did all 3!
ReplyDelete😂😂😂
DeleteI grew up in a family where everyone hated ironing, so no one did any. Still don't. I think we've all done just fine in life wearing wrinkled clothes! Other chores we shared.
ReplyDeleteLove it!!
DeleteI heard a report recently that some women are so stressed with doing it all themselves with minimal help at home from their husbands/partners, that they leave, because they were looking after them as well as the children and the job. One said her life had become easier on her own! I find that extremely sad. I agree about the influencers. In the past it was the magazines with the perfect photos of perfect Christmas cookies and decorations that I found challenging until I had the sense to realize that there was probably a whole team of helpers creating them! I stopped buying the magazines then.
ReplyDeleteMartha Stewart has much to answer for.
ReplyDelete