Pause In Advent #4

Last week, Liz sent me a link to an appeal she'd seen on Facebook. A Norwich group which supports women who had experienced miscarriage or neonatal death was having a "Reflective Carol Service". Those who felt the pain of loss especially at Christmas could come together, and remember. Their speaker had pulled out the day before and they were asking for someone to come and give a short sermon/talk. 

It had to be someone with personal experience of baby loss. I put out feelers among local friends who might help, but got nowhere. I was sad about that - I'd have done it, but did not meet their criteria.

What would I have said? I would have acknowledged their grief - made so much harder when people all around are saying "after all, Christmas is a time for the children, isn't it?" - when we are bombarded with adverts about what we need for a 'proper family Christmas' - when hearing other people talk about what they are doing 'together' just exacerbates the sense of loss, of something missing. As if the rest of the world has forgotten their pain, glibly asserting that 'time heals' - not realising that broken hearts bear lifelong scars. I would have told them it was important to acknowledge those brief lives, so precious, lost so soon. And I would have reminded them that GOD has not forgotten them or their babies.

Up and down the land people read Bible account of the birth of Christ ... no room at the inn, angels, shepherds, wise men - and we so often stop at Matthew 2:12. But the end of that chapter is important too. The story of King Herod's attempts to kill the baby Jesus by slaughtering all the baby boys in Bethlehem - Matt 2;18 quotes the prophet Jeremiah ‘A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more’

This too is part of the Christmas story - recognising that not every pregnancy ends with a happy, healthy child. And I think we should take time right now to remember bereaved parents, with love and sensitivity. In Luke's account, he says "Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart." - how did she feel to realise that she and her baby had escaped safely, while other families were being torn apart? How did she feel as she watched her son die, [John 19;25]  did she think back to those bereft young mothers, all those years ago?

There is a time to weep, and a time to mourn - and I pray for those who went to that Carol Service- that it will have given them comfort, and hope - and light in their darkest moments, strength to get through this Christmas Season. 

We have read in the news of too many babies, toddlers and children dying in the past few weeks- in the cold waters of the channel, in burning homes, in flyaway bouncy castles, and perhaps worst of all, at the hands of the very adults who should have cared for them. There are many homes where someone has had to go and remove presents from under the tree, close a bedroom door, take down greetings cards, because the pain of loss is just too great. 

When I was 5 my mother gave birth to a son, who died within the hour. As was common then, she was told to go home and get on with life, and maybe have another child later. My beloved brother arrived when I was 7½. Mum rarely spoke of that lost baby - but she was anxious through both my pregnancies, afraid I might lose my child too. When she was 67, she died following a stroke - but a few hours before her death she sat up in bed and said, quite clearly "I shall see my baby in Heaven". I wept, to realise that she had kept this loss in her heart, for over 30 years, but I saw that her faith was giving her hope, as she herself faced death.

For all those who are bereft right now - especially these women, may they feel peace and love - and  experience the truth of Matthew 5:4. 

God has not forgotten you, he is with you in your grief