The Wife Of Bath

The adventures of Chaucer’s Pilgrims are quite dull compared to mine, I am beginning to think.

Let us consider the matter of The Bathroom. We were very blessed in Kirby, having both a bathroom and an en suite. The former had a large bathroom cabinet, with mirrored doors, the latter had a big counter top surrounding the handbasin, with a huge cupboard underneath, and a small mirrow.

I left that small extending mirror behind – it seemed churlish to unscrew it and leave holes in the tiles. But it was jolly useful for moments of vanity when I wanted to apply make-up, or when Bob needed to check his shave.

Here we just have one small bathroom upstairs. Below I have posted a picture of myself attempting to check my face in the mirror over the handbasin…

Previous occupants were clearly taller than I am! We’ve also discovered the shaver point is faulty, so I am busily hunting through the boxes for an adaptor to fit a regular plug so that Bob is smart and shaven by the weekend. We’ll get the point fixed [eventually] and I shall be able to use my electric toothbrush again.

Fortunately the mirror in the downstairs loo is [a] bigger [b] lower – so I can sort out my face down there. We will also re-assemble and hang the big bathroom cabinet there and use it for storage of first aid kit and medications.

The colours of my pink bath mat and striped shower curtain go well with the tiles, which is very satisfying. The shower is ‘double curtained’ – with the original plain white Wilko curtain inside and my pretty one outside. However I must issue a warning. Do not attempt to rehang the shower curtain under these conditions;

1. if it is early in the morning, you are barely awake, and your other half is still in bed, reading a book whilst he waits for his turn in the bathroom
2. if you have just had a shower and are draped in nothing but a towel
3. if you are less than 5’ tall, and even standing on a mini stepladder you are at full stretch trying to reach the pole
4. if the curtain pole is one of those tension types, which depends on a strong spring and great faith

Suffice it to say that it was a total fiasco! Half way through the complex procedure [remove the first ring from the pole, take off the white curtain, add back the two curtains together, rehang that ring on the pole…move on to the next ring…] ...disaster struck.

Help! I wailed, and my Prince Charming flung aside his reading, and rushed to aid his damsel in distress.

The sight of me, balancing on the steps, holding the pole like a latter day Blondin crossing Niagara – but with my bath towel and curtains in an inelegant heap round my ankles, reduced him to helpless hysterical laughter.

But within minutes he had not only rehung the curtains and re-positioned and re-tensioned the pole, but also dispelled my tension as well. If you must move house, please ensure you do it with someone who shares a sense of the ridiculous and will help you to laugh at yourself!