Friday, 23 December 2011

Is Our Church Green?

…after all, it is unleaded! The men have arrived to repair the damage, and the Insurance Co should pay up promptly. There is a cordoned off area and a big sign in the Car Park.



warning sign

Meanwhile the Christmas Programme rolls on – we hosted our traditional “Manse Open House” and were thrilled to have so many guests. Bob put up the clothes rail [from Get In The Picture] in a corner of the kitchen, which proved really useful for all their heavy winter coats and jackets.

Yesterday was the Thursday Drop In Carol Event.

This is a less formal affair than many of the other events this week. David climbed down the ladder to attend [hence his scruffy green work jumper] Bob is resplendent in one of his Christmas Waistcoats, seen here reading a monologue. After a couple more carols, I got to read the beginning of John’s gospel. I have now read this passage three times this Christmas- and I love it more each time. The red and blue alphabet thing behind Jan is our “Church Christmas Card Distribution Centre” – it comes out every year and we sort our cards into it. It was made about twenty years ago, but has been renovated at least once by Susan [sitting with her back to the camera]

Stella decorated the little tables beautifully, and in place of the usual biscuits we had mince pies and Christmas Shortbread.


Here is Bob’s monologue [found on the Internet of course!]


Effective immediately: the following economizing measures are being implemented by the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' subsidiary

  1. The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance
  2. Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated
  3. The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French
  4. The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked
  5. The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals appears to be in order
  6. The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by Human Resources will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one
  7. The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement
  8. As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching
  9. Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps
  10. Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year
  11. Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line

Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.

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