Sunday 18 September 2022

Be Comforted

In the past week or so since the Queen's death, I've had conversations with three different people who have had family bereavements recently. They've all spoken of the difficulty of grieving for a personal loss when everyone around them seems to be upset because the Queen has died. "How can they understand my loss? My Mum/gran/partner/child has gone, the person I loved dearly, and spoke with every day... That is not the same as an old lady dying in Scotland - who did not know them, whom they'd never met..."
Last Sunday afternoon I sat in the garden with Steph and Gaz, Jacob slept in my arms, George was playing - and Gaz said "Do you realise that today is the anniversary of 9/11?" We'd all forgotten.
Collective recognition of a national loss - many people in a terrorist attack, or one sovereign who has been there for 70 years - this is important. But never let us forget the individuals who endure personal, ongoing loss. Their world has changed forever. They need our words of comfort and love. 

22 comments:

  1. What wise words Angela
    I have thought often of all
    the other people who died on September 8 this year. Their
    lives were/ are important too-
    they have stories that need to be told
    And they need to be celebrated
    I am sure the Queen would agree
    Siobhan

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    1. I think she would agree. Thanks for the reminder that the bereaved need both consolation and times for celebration

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  2. Thank you for that, Angela. We lost my dear Mum in July and my lovely father-in-law in August. Myself and my husband have been so busy sorting everything out (our siblings are not in a position to help) while also caring for our disabled son, that neither of us has had time to mourn. Life feels like one long grind at the moment and it has been amazing just how comforting someone asking "How are you?" can be.

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    1. Oh Tracy,. This must be so hard for you - you're in my thoughts and prayers 🙏❤️

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  3. Grief is a very personal thing, isn't it?

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    1. Yes it is. I avoid the phrase ”i know just how you feel” because I probably don't!!

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  4. Thank you for your comforting and inspiring words today. Catriona

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  5. It is so hard when someone you dearly love has died and somehow you feel as if the earth should stop and life should go quiet. And yet the world moves on, unaware of your pain and suffering. That is when, as you expressed it, the comfort of a loving friend or sweet gesture of understanding can make all the difference.

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    1. Do you know the poem that begins "Stop all the clocks..."? That moment in time when everything changed for you - if not for anyone else

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  6. Every life is special. I remember the time of the Piper Alpha oil rig disaster in 1988 and the outpouring of sympathy for the bereaved. At the same time someone commented that the lone widow of a farmer killed in a farming accident is just as much a victim of grief as the bereaved of the 165 who died on the oil rig.

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    1. Absolutely true. And it surely must be really hard for the "lone widow" who does not have the support of a larger bereaved group. I guess that's why the Bible constantly encourages us to care for widows and orphans

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  7. Slightly different but my husband died of cancer at the beginning of coronavirus. We couldn’t have a funeral or any gathering, and I didn’t have close friends or family nearby. I feel as his death, and my grief, have gone I acknowledged.

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    1. I do hope that somehow, now the rules are relaxed, maybe you can have some sort of event to remember him - can family or friends get together on the anniversary of his death, or his birthday? Or just any date, to come together and remember him and celebrate good memories. We all saw the Queen as she sat alone at Philip's funeral and admired her courage. Your loss is just as great - God strengthen you as you face each new day without your beloved beside you, and give you peaceful sleep as you rest each night.

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  8. I've gone through loss of both my father in law and my husband's grandmother at Christmas, and that feeling of isolation when everyone else is paying attention elsewhere while you are grieving is hard. And any sort of hint that you need a little support can be frowned down as unworthy in the circumstances.

    You've posted a good reminder.

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    1. Bereavement at Christmas is incredibly hard, my Bro-in-law died Christmas Morning 2019. As you say, everyone else's attention is elsewhere, and there is this sense of"dont be obviously sad, you will spoil the day for others"

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  9. God gives us the ability and willingness to comfort all who need comforting, whether they mourn the Queen or a dear family member or friend and your post reminds us to do that.

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  10. Very true, grief is such a personal thing and collective mourning is very powerful. We do have to make sure that the latter doesn't drown out the former.

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  11. We can never truly know how it feels to be someone else and to be in their mind with their grieving. I always say, "I cannot know how you are feeling but I care about you." It's good to check in on those who have lost someone, even a few years past.

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